GETTING MARRIED
Why get married in church?
A marriage service is a public declaration of love and commitment to your partner.
If you choose to get married in church, there is an added dimension - the assurance that God cares about your relationship and that his resources and strength are available to help you. Including God in your marriage doesn't mean that you will avoid all the usual ups and downs, but you will know that you can look to God for help and guidance and that his love will sustain you. You will also have the support and encouragement of the Christian Church family.
Below are some resources which we hope will help you in the planning of your big day.
Preparing for the service: frequently asked questions
Q| Where can I get married?
A| You are entitled to be married in the church of the Church in
If the church you wish
to be married in is not the local church of either of you, you will
have to go on the electoral roll of that parish: you will be expected
to attend the church services for six months before going on the roll.
In certain circumstances you can apply for a Special License. It is not
normally possible to have your church wedding in other venues.
If
you are from another Christian denomination it is likely that not only
will you have to contact the Priest or Minister of that church but also
engage the services of a Registrar via the local County Hall.
Q| How do I book the church?
A|
As soon as you have decided you would like to get married in St.Peter's
or St.Illtyd's, get in touch with the Vicar to see whether the church
is free on your preferred date, and take some details.
Q| What are the legal requirements?
A| The normal preliminary to getting married in the Church in
Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as at the church in which you are to be married if that is another parish. There are circumstances where some form of licence, such as a common licence or special licence, is more appropriate. The Vicar will discuss with you what you need to do.
If you are under the age of eighteen, you must have your parents' consent to marry.
There are special guidelines on church marriage if you have been divorced. Please contact the Vicar to discuss this.
Q| How much will it cost?
A|
The fees for a marriage cover the publication of the banns, certificate
of banns, the marriage service and a certificate of marriage as well as
the organist, video recording (if required) and the use of the church
building.
Q| Can I choose what kind of service I want?
A| You can choose to have the standard Church in
The minister will probably give a brief talk or sermon.
If you have friends or family members you would like to involve in the service, for example by doing a reading or playing a musical instrument, discuss this with your parish priest at an early stage of your planning.
Q| Which hymns and songs can I have?
A|
Your parish priest or the church organist can advise on suitable hymns
and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the
signing of the register. If you want to set out the words and/or music
on a printed service sheet, you will need to comply with the copyright
laws - you should consult the Vicar about this.
Q| Should we have one or two rings?
A|
A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of
the commitment you are making to each other. It is entirely up to you
whether you have one ring or two.
Q| Do I need to contact a registrar
A|
No, as the Vicar or Curate in the Church in Wales are permitted to
conduct weddings. To all intenets and purposes therefore, the Vicar and
Curate are the registrars.
Q| Can we have a video recording of the service?
A|
You will need to ask permission from the Vicar and from any
organist/worship leader. There may be a small fee to pay: ask the Vicar
about this. There are also issues of copyright involved and in most
cases some kind of video license is required.
Q| What if one of us is divorced?
A| The Church in
Please make an
appointment to speak to the Vicar before setting a date. The minister
will want to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the
future and your understanding of marriage. If it is not possible for
your proposed marriage to take place in church, you may wish to
consider other alternatives with you, such as a Service of Prayer and
Dedication after a civil ceremony.
QI Do either or both of us need to be baptized?
AI
It is preferable for both persons to be baptized. The fact that you
have chosen to get married in church rather than a registry office or a
hotel suggests that you consider the Christian faith important to your
marriage. Baptism is a sign of that faith and a demonstration of a
person's willingness to be identified with Jesus and his teachings.
Although baptism is not a condition for getting married in church, you
are strongly encouraged to consider it as a necessary part of your
marriage preparation. Please talk to the Vicar about this.
The parish has two
churches. The mother church of St.Peter's has the largest capcity and
can hold up to about 300 people. The daughter church, St. Illtyd's, has
a smaller capacity (holds about 70 people) and is ideal for smaller
weddings. It is situated on Ystrad Road, opposite John Long's furniture
store. Below are some pictures of St.Illtyd's,
QI We are already married, do you have any service of blessing?
AI
Yes we often bless the marriiages of those who have married abroad and
want something at home for family and friends to be part of. Also
people who have been married in a Registry Office and feel that
something was missing and would like God to bless their new life
together. People who have been married 20, 25, 30 or more years also
like to mark the event with a renewal of vows and have approached us to
hold a special service in Church. In all of these cases we are more
than happy to help people seek God's involvement in their married life.
Just contact the Vicar and he will be able to offer you some advice on
how to proceed.
What do Christians believe about marriage?
Christians
believe that marriage is a gift from God. In the marriage ceremony, a
couple make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each
other, come what may.
The Bible compares married love with the love Jesus has for his followers. He expressed his love by being prepared to sacrifice himself, even to die for the people he loved. This is amazing, unconditional love. Jesus never said 'I love you, but'. In our marriages we can try to follow his model by loving our partners in a self-sacrificial way, putting their needs before our own.
The marriage ceremony gives you a new legal status as husband and wife and a new stability within which your relationship can flourish and grow. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for the fulfillment of our sexuality and that it provides a stable and secure environment for bringing up children.
The Marriage service
Beginning the service
Traditionally,
the bride and groom enter the church separately - the groom first with
the best man, and the bride at the time set for the start of the
service, on the arm of her father or another relative or friend (it
does not need to be a man). However, the bride may enter alone if she
wishes, or the couple may enter together.
The minister will welcome the congregation. Your family and friends have an important role to play as witnesses and supporters of your marriage.
The minister will read an introduction explaining what Christians believe about marriage. He or she will also ask, as the law requires, if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.
Declarations
You
will be asked to promise before God, your friends and your families,
that you will love, comfort, honour and protect your partner and be
faithful to them as long as you both shall live.
The minister will also ask the congregation to declare that they will support and uphold your marriage.
It
is usual to have one or more readings (one of which should be from the
Bible) and the minister will generally give a talk or sermon.
Vows
Turning to each other, the bride and groom take each other?s right hand and make vows (see below).
Rings
The couple then exchange a ring or rings as a 'sign of their marriage' and a reminder of the vows:
Proclamation
The
minister will then declare that you are now husband and wife. The
minister does not 'marry you'; you marry each other. The minister just
directs you in this and then tells everyone that you have done it
properly.
Prayers
In
the prayers God's blessing and help is asked for you. There may be a
prayer for the gift of children, but every couple will have their own
feelings about this, so it's best to discuss the details with your
minister. You may wish to help choose the prayers or to write your own.
Signing of the register
After
you have exchanged your vows, the bride, groom and two witnesses must
sign the register. This is a legal requirement and the minister will
give you a copy of the marriage certificate.
A wedding is one day - a marriage is a lifetime
You
have probably already spent many hours planning your wedding. There are
so many things to think about - the dress, the cake, whom to invite,
the honeymoon. All of these are important, but the wedding is just one
day, while marriage should last for the rest of your lives.
Alongside the wedding preparations it is also important to spend time as a couple talking through your expectations of marriage. However much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears. The minister who is taking your service will probably want to spend some time with you talking through these issues.
Churches sometimes offer marriage preparation, perhaps as part of a group with other couples. This gives you an opportunity to think through possible areas of difficulty and how you will handle them as a couple.
Topics might include:
- Communication
- Money
- Coping with conflict
- Sex
- In-laws and family issues
- Children
We hope that you have a wonderful wedding day and that it will mark the beginning of a long and very happy marriage.
'Marriage', says the Church in Wales Service of Holy matrimony, 'is a gift of God to mankind.'
